Today I experienced something small—but emotionally significant. A message in a conversation with someone I care about disappeared. It was there one moment and gone the next.

I assumed she had deleted it. And without warning, my thoughts filled with anxiety:
“She’s upset with me.”
“I must’ve said something wrong.”
“Why would she delete it unless something was off?”

My heart raced. My mind spiraled. And before I even had a chance to consider other possibilities, I was convinced something had gone wrong.

The Role of ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity

As someone with ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), I’ve learned that my brain is quick to jump to conclusions—especially in relationships. ADHD often involves difficulty with impulse control, emotional regulation, and black-and-white thinking. When coupled with RSD (a common but not formally recognized experience among people with ADHD), even minor perceived slights can trigger intense emotional responses.

A glitch or delay—something as simple as a message disappearing—can feel like a personal rejection. The emotional reaction isn’t just a passing thought; it’s a physical experience. For many neurodivergent individuals, the emotional brain responds before the rational brain even has time to catch up.

But This Time, I Paused

Instead of letting the narrative spiral or emotionally withdrawing like I might have in the past, I grounded myself. I asked:
What else could be true?
Could this be a misunderstanding or even a technical issue?

And then, I made the choice to communicate. I gently asked her if she had deleted the message and whether everything was okay.

The Outcome: Clarity, Not Catastrophe

A few hours later, she replied. Her response was kind, reassuring—and most importantly, clarifying.
She hadn’t deleted anything at all. There had been a technical issue with the app that caused the message to disappear from my end.

She was surprised I even thought something was wrong and affirmed our connection. What I had feared was a rupture… wasn’t one at all.

What This Teaches About Thought Traps and Emotional Regulation

In therapy, we often talk about cognitive distortions—automatic, often negative thoughts that are not based on facts. Some common ones include:

• Mind reading (“She’s mad at me”)
• Catastrophizing (“This relationship is probably over”)
• Personalization (“This is my fault”)

When you live with ADHD, these distortions can show up fast and feel very real. Add in past relational wounds—especially if you’ve experienced unpredictability, abandonment, or emotional invalidation—and your nervous system may be wired to assume danger even when it’s not there.

The key isn’t to silence those thoughts, but to slow them down. To separate the story from the situation.

Why This Moment Mattered

This wasn’t just about one message. It was about giving myself the chance to create a new ending:

• I didn’t let old fears dictate new behavior
• I paused, reflected, and grounded
• I chose curiosity over assumption
• I gave someone a chance to clarify instead of retreating in fear

That’s what emotional regulation can look like in practice—not perfection, but awareness and choice.

Therapeutic Takeaway

If you resonate with this, here are a few tools that might support you:

• Name the thought distortion – Ask: “Am I mind reading or catastrophizing?”
• Regulate your body first – Use grounding skills (deep breathing, cold water, gentle movement)
• Challenge the urgency – Not all thoughts require immediate action
• Communicate gently – Clarify when it’s safe to do so. Sometimes anxiety clears through connection
• Track the pattern – Notice when past wounds shape present interpretations

Final Reflection

ADHD and rejection sensitivity can make even small misunderstandings feel huge. But with practice, you can learn to notice your patterns, regulate your response, and choose connection over protection.